Do you feel that all the love has been sucked out of Valentine’s Day, as if the point of the holiday is simply to see who can spend more of the money they don’t have on things they don’t actually care about?
Whether you’re single or just a cynic, you’re not alone.
The good news is, the commercialization of Valentine’s Day guarantees that companies fall all over themselves trying to sell you “love” and the results are hilarious. Read on for a list of the 10 worst Valentine’s Day ads that will make you realize maybe homemade is the way to go.
Believe it or not, the Hut actually offers an engagement package.
We recognize that there may be a small niche of the world that would be over the moon for this package, considering pizza-themed blankets, pajamas, and throw pillows are a thing, but please do not propose to your significant other with a $10 pizza. The package includes a limo ride, a bouquet of flowers, fireworks, a photographer, a videographer, a ruby ring, and—last but not least—a $10 pizza (cinnastix included) all valued at $10,010.
Sure it sounds like you’re getting a lot of bang for your buck, but remember that you’re proposing with a ruby ring, at a Pizza Hut, while a bunch of single people eating alone in their pajamas are silently hoping your potential bride says “no.” FYI, she probably will.
Just no. Hooters “No Ring? Give Her Wings!” campaign fails on so many levels.
First of all, do not, repeat DO NOT take your girlfriend to Hooters for Valentine’s Day. Second of all, if you really want to include wings in your v-day plans, get them to go, and make sure they aren’t too spicy (unless you want to deal with that later.) Unless you’re celebrating a bro-mance for Valentine’s Day, save Hooters for the 15th of February.
Fart by Mail
Wow. This is a real thing.
The ad itself is reminiscent of a Saturday Night Live skit, but we did our homework. This service actually exists. For the low price of just $8.99 USD you can send your loved one a truly intimate gift.
Not one to skimp on the sweet stuff?
The company offers a $1,000 fart package which includes all your smelliest products, such as durian, a century egg, and French stinky cheese. Just some advice, maybe give your significant other a break from your bodily functions, you know, in the name of love.
Well, we’ll say one thing for Thrifty, their idea of pinching pennies stays true to their name.
With some personal experience working in a rental car company, I was shocked to see them encourage their customers to “celebrate” Valentine’s Day in their rentals. As a consumer, I could never use Thrifty again without wondering exactly how clean they could get their cars between each use. At least in a hotel, you know the sheets get bleached. Thanks, but no thanks, Thrifty.
We’re not entirely sure what this ad from Nakshatra Diamonds is implying. The most innocent take we could come up with was that we will be wearing nothing but the diamonds; however, the issue is that third, triangular diamond. Where exactly is your girl supposed to wear that one? Unless she’s already equipped for such hardwear, a trip to your local piercing shop might be in order. Good luck!
Speaking of inappropriate jewelry store ads, meet Natan, creator of one of the most offensive, sexist Valentine’s Day ads. The ad very explicitly implies that the way to a woman’s uh, heart, is obviously to buy her jewelry. Newsflash, Natan, women aren’t property to be bought with shiny objects.
The .99 Store
While it’s supposed to be the thought that counts when it comes to Valentine’s Day, maybe you should at least spring for something in the $5 store. Not that this ad doesn’t get points for trying to help a brother out, but we don’t recommend buying your romantic dinner oysters at the 99 cent store. Also, .99 condoms may be a bad move, too. Though they seem to know that since the condoms are on both the “Do” and “Don’t” sides of the list. Notably, the condoms on the “Don’t” side are placed directly next to the pregnancy test.
Way to go, Swatch. You figured out that hearts upside down look like butts. Maybe next year you could use a peach.
We’re not entirely sure what butts have to do with watches in the first place. Maybe they were trying to play into their use of the phrase “bottom of our hearts,” but we are pretty sure they should just stick to watches.
Natan (Yep! They made the list twice!)
Apparently, offensive ads are their thing.
Once again Natan’s ad implies that if given a ring, a woman’s grasp on reality and her ability to have sound judgement goes right out the window. Natan really pushes the boundaries. We aren’t denying that some women are willing to look past physical aspects (for lack of a better term) for the right price, but the majority of women love their man for who he is and not what he buys her. Get on board, Natan.
Honestly, unless you’re dating an entomologist, naming a roach might be a gift better suited for an ex-lover. The ad has a point, roaches do seem to be indestructible, but they don’t quite scream “romance” do they? The zoo offers a number of packages to commemorate the naming of your roach, including a pin, socks and (roach free) chocolates. We just wonder how you’re ever supposed to know which roach is your roach? And do you really want any of them to be yours in the first place?
What are some of the funniest or worst Valentine’s advertisements that you’ve seen?